I am, most likely, the very worst person to give advice on how one should deal with life. My self preservation techniques involve crawling inside myself and not coming out. Evidence of my mental and emotional hermiting (not a real word) are illustrated by my complete withdrawal from the relationships that mean the very most to me.
I’m elated for a change in seasons.
I’m dreading the summertime — not the actual season — but the change that comes with the absence of RW. Lately, the very thought of Robert starting his fire season in May has made me skitter out of the light and into the dark corners of my being. One of the reasons I married RW is because he has the ability to draw me out, to soften me when I’ve turned sharp. He has the strength, grace and gentleness to draw me out, draw me out and then temper me.
He has to fight fire this summer.
That’s a fact. That’s his job.
But between he and I, there’s no need for self preservation. No need at all.
So I’ve clambered up and out of myself and back into the light. I’m clinging to every single second I have with him between now and May and I’ll be thankful for the 10-or-so days I’ll have him home this fire season to share the fruit our gardens produce, to picnic in the hills, to fly fish on the South Fork…
The trip I took to Chicago served these purposes:
*to see and comfort my dearest of friends
*to take myself away from my work and my regular life
*to sleep in
*to treat myself to strolling and coffees and sketching and singing
*to not work
*to allow myself to come up and out my hiding space
I never told you about the resolution I made in January for 2009:
To love my work and to not feel stressed out when I am creating.
Loving my work is not a difficult thing. To create, free of stress, is difficult. It requires being in my own space always. It requires separation and isolation from the influence of the work of other jewelry artists (I need this, you may not). I need to exist in a Noisy Plume bubble which isn’t to say that I don’t take time to enjoy social interaction with others as well as interacting with the world outside my yard. Additionally, I need to feel very free to explore any idea that pops into my mind involving stones and metal. I love my work today, as always; for the first time in weeks, I’m feeling stress. Drat.
With all our company gone from Plume Gables now, their presence a simple happy memory, and with Robert pulling me out of my hiding place and into the light, I’m taking the time to draw a hot bath tonight with a book and a glass of wine at hand. I plan to fall back into my work tomorrow morning free of the tension that stress brings.
This has nothing to do with you.
This has everything to do with how I live my life and how I react to everything that comes my way.
I’m going to smarten up and fly right.
What do you do when you feel stress building knots in the back of your neck, when the tension pools behind your eyes and you simply do not know what to do with yourself at any given moment during the day?
Hmmmm?
In other news:
[Montana agate, orange agate beads, sterling silver]
[Peruvian pink opal, one lone tulip & sterling silver]
[yellow opal & sterling silver with domed detail]
[tiffany stone from Utah & sterling silver]
[Clipper Necklace:::rutilated quartz & sterling silver on a really clever chain]
These will be in the shop today!
we are sharing the tight today. i feel stress about nothing, prickly about the usually pleasurable tasks, unmotivated but too determined not to be lazy, and in this middle ground i just kind of want to sit here and cry for a bit.
it wells up in my throat like a rock and i want to spew it out, but i have no power to do so.
i have to believe that today is just as important as the yesterdays wherein i could sit in a house sweater and read by candlelight for 4 hours. the absolute peace that came with being still yesterday illudes me, so i must be ever aware of exactly how i am feeling and at the end, when i find the answer…
i befriend myself, leave my inappropriate emotions the hell alone, and just be candace.
When I’m feeling stressed I do the following, usually in order:
1. cry my little heart out
2. call my closest friends and seek advice, solace, comfort
3. go running, biking, lifting, or in general MOVE my body in some vigorous and exhausting way
4. sleep sleep sleep
5. deep breaths
6. buy something on etsy. 😉
Awww Plume. I can relate, but the difference is I have pretty much always been a lone wolf character. I grew up with 4 older brothers, so I have learned to be comfortable doing my own thing. I do wish I had more opportunity for social interaction. I find as I get older, more of my friends have families of their own, and months go by before I spend time with them (distance never helps).
Stress..ack…stress and tension are my never-ending bedfellows. I usually get a massage, and there is a wonderful mineral bath spa in the city here that always leaves me refreshed. I also visit my parents just to get out of the city and spend time with the cat and garden.
Sigh…
these new creations are so pretty, and I applaud you in my office as I always do; you do speak to many of our hearts
yup, stress builds, I was there with you at 5:30 a.m. when I let the doodle bugs out and started reading and for no reason crying but in fact I was reading something incredibly beautiful
what do I do…I like to lay flat on the floor with angel wings…weird
if the yellow rectangle was bigger, I had my spear ready but thank God it was not meant for me
Miss plume…enjoy every day as a present and don’t anticipate what has not come yet…I am sure RW leaves a big empty space when he is off to work…
xoxo
Also, yes, I agree with MrsLittleJeans, try to focus on today, and EVERY day, you have with him. Enjoy every drop of it for what it is, and don’t let yourself wander off into the future just yet. Make each day special and filled with love.
for my own reasons today i feel the prickle at the backs of my eyes. life is hard; life is beautiful. i don’t have any answers or consolations, only a blessing…may the road rise up to meet you; may the sky fill your soul with wide spaces; may you know you are cherished and loved.
your dearest,
she.
peace, my lady. and thank you so for sharing. reading what you wrote, i let out a long dirty breath i didn’t realize i’d been holding. i’m rocking a tough health challenge and sometimes i want to avoid blogs like yours because i’m blinded by you able-bodied beauty, your energy to create. not jealous, but covetous to a degree that stings a bit. i can never avoid it though, because of that same light – ultimately, it’s too good to miss. reading about what you’re struggling with tears me out of my sometimes narcissistic woe-is-me-land, and reminds me that we all struggle, and that it doesn’t mean we can’t be beautiful beacons. bravo. xo.nicole
your discription of yourself sounds like a discription of me.
I would have never though such a beautiful, creative person such as yourself could feel like that. Shows me.Sometimes I don't want to look at your blog just b/c your so damn beautiful. ( jealousy)
How brave to share your heart & what a perfect match RW is for you. and You for him I'm sure.
Ok… here’s the plan… sometime during the summer, when you are in the midst of having a particularly tough time with the absense of your honey (something I am all too fond of) 🙁 … THAT is when you will be coming to see ME!!! It’s a date. An “as long as you’d like it to be” date.
ahh Plume, I feel you.
I’ve been in my own haze of denial, wrapped in a sweet sauce of wishful thinking and unbeknownst-to-me-before heartache…I finally go home in 2 weeks and I know that I will cry my little heart out for days once I get to see my baby girl again. I need to feel again. Soon…or else I will bust…
But hang in there girl… balancing life and work, anxiety and our life passions, along with all the other crap (can I say that on here?!) is such a difficult thing to do. You’re fabulous, you’re full of soul, you’re The Noisy Plume! When you ruffle your feathers, people notice! And that is a special gift. And I appreciate you and all your talents more than you know 🙂
You know I tried to write a similar blog post the other day and severely failed. Your wording is lovely and I know exactly how you feel when you get lost inside yourself and your worries. In fact, I feel that way right stinkin’ now.
My man has been working on a very rough project at work the past 4 months and it’s almost ALMOST over and I can’t wait for it to be through. I feel like I haven’t seen him in days. It’s during times like these when we realize how emotionally tied we are to our loves. If anything, thinking about that makes me feel better, because I know he feels the same way. Happy thoughts are all that keep me sane when I’m stressed. That and music.
Just know that we’ll all be here for you during your summer and itching to visit or chat with you to make the time fly by. Your jewelry today was lovely. Do enjoy your evening and weekend with RW!
I understand.
My best friend moves away in just 28 days. In between complete denial, I just cry at the thought of her being so far away.
In the past, I’ve pulled away when I know that the time to leave is approaching. Friendships are maintained but lessened, quieted.
I can’t let that happen this time. I won’t.
Hi, just stopping by to say I really enjoy reading your blog…must say the reasons you pointed out for going to Chicago seem wonderful (okay this is weird because I’ve never had a hello or exchange with you) but your work is amazing!
“My best friend moves away in just 28 days. In between complete denial, I just cry at the thought of her being so far away.”
I totally get that. My heart still breaks.
Dearest Ladies,
It is a comfort, more than you know (maybe), to have your understanding and empathy. More than ever, I know that there’s a sisterhood here that strengthens and grows by the day. Thank you for your words and your grace! I know you’ll be with me this summer. I’ll be with you too. We’ll make it thorough.
And M, I love you.