Some days, when RW is away for his fire season, life sucks. It’s so easy to let myself fall into the darkness of a bad day. One unexpected detail can turn my day on its head. I don’t fight it, I just slide right into the stormy waters, drink up half the angry tide and allow myself to sink into the quiet of the depths — seaweed in my hair, barnacles on my toes. My spirit exhales. My soul sags. I capitulate. I hate that. But what I really hate is telling Robert, over the phone, (if I get to talk to him) that I had a bad day…for reasons I can’t even explain besides sulky surrender!
I’m stronger than that.
I talked to a best girlfriend about all of this, late last night, and we both agreed on a zesty life mantra:
Fight for good.
I talked to a best girlfriend about all of this, late last night, and we both agreed on a zesty life mantra:
Fight for good.
Sometimes you have to. There is a mirror here that reflects only the dark, only the bad, and some days, you’ve just got to reach out and punch it, turn the glass into a spiderweb, turn away from the rapacious storm and see the real world for what it is
and the potential there for
good.
I’m going to fight for good days as best as I can.
The concept isn’t new for me, I’m generally quite the optimist, but sometimes I have to reclaim the truth of my soul vigor
with regards to how my life flows,
day to day,
especially when the bright of Robert isn’t here to make me laugh and fill me to overflowing with love and kindness
every hour, on the hour.
I’m fragile.
I truly am.
But that light in my chest is robust,
all conquering.
These wings turn gale force winds into allies.
and the potential there for
good.
I’m going to fight for good days as best as I can.
The concept isn’t new for me, I’m generally quite the optimist, but sometimes I have to reclaim the truth of my soul vigor
with regards to how my life flows,
day to day,
especially when the bright of Robert isn’t here to make me laugh and fill me to overflowing with love and kindness
every hour, on the hour.
I’m fragile.
I truly am.
But that light in my chest is robust,
all conquering.
These wings turn gale force winds into allies.
Today is good.
I’m making it so with the help of a morning without rain, a good hard sleep, a trip to the farmer’s market, the story of Esther, a smooth latte, grapevines gone berserkers up and down the fence lines,
two bowls of berries and my loyal dog pack pooled around my feet, deep in a morning nap.
There are letters that arrived in the week that I have finally found a moment to read.
The jasmine, capricious as always, is about to gracefully thunder into scent.
I failed to tell you yesterday,
but I hope you have a weekend that is replete with comfort,
the heart swell that comes with the bold green timpani of summer,
a small flock of hummingbirds
and plenty of lime flavored drinks.
Over and out,
JSL
Good mantra! I am going to take to it as well. Pow, pow, pow!
I know how you feel girl. My other indispensable half is away again on a two-week stretch. As much as I want to at times, I cannot fall into that darkness, thanks to the three little ones here. Still, there are definitely cranky days..
in some weird sort of way, your dark moments let me know i'm not so alone.
i struggle to be the ever-optimist that you are: i cling to your truths and allow you to teach me.
i cling to The Truth and let It teach me.
x
i soooooo understand. and derive some hope for myself in knowing that you, too, are human. wonderfully, beautifully human, though. a good human.
wishing you surprise sparkles in your weekend, the gust of a fairy wind, wholesome natural goodness to surround you, and the opportunity to bask in the knowledge of how very loved you are by so many!
Fight for good! Let's do it together. May together become a host of delicate strands, a resilient web, a mob of doughty Charlottes…!
xxx
I work with a lot of negative people. It's emotionally exhausting. On the days that I let them drag me down with them, and struggle to claw my way back to the surface I remind myself that I need to depend on ME for my good mood. When you fall, reach up. Your friends will bring you to your feet.
nice post.
the question i sometimes ask myself..
if you woke up breathing, how bad could the day be?
I have no significant other anymore…going through divorce he is making as hard as possible. Can I come visit during fire season?? You make Idaho seem like paradise. Keep your chin up…
Snail: HA HA!!! POW POW POW!!!!!!!!!
Merja: Oh, lady. Chin up! Fight for good! And bless you for keeping your chin up with three wee ones in tow — you're a woman of fortitude and extraordinary character.
Fox: Oh no. You aren't alone. Not at all. I have crummy days too….
Keep clinging to The Truth sweet woman. xx
Janet: HA HA!!! I'm so human it would shock your socks off! Two minutes ago I yelled, so the neighbor could hear, "YOUR DOGS ARE DEVILS!!" Gosh. But really. They're heinous dogs. They make me feel creatively violent at times…(what??!!!)….yeah. Today has been FULL of sparkles. And in one hour I'm going running which is the best part of my day, every day. Ten miles of meadow larks, my creek, the spice of the juniper stands and thunder clouds. Pure bliss. LOVE YOU BACK. xx
Doro: YES!!! I love your brains. xx
Brandi: That's what I'm talking about! Keep on glittering!!! xx
Earth: Good point. 🙂 HA HA!!!!! xx
Genie: Here's the fact of the matter, I never turn anyone away if they come knocking at The Gables — and Idaho IS paradise:) Keep peace in your heart, dear woman. xx
This is beautiful and you are beautiful and in turn it makes me feel beautiful too.
xo
Dear Jillian!
I comment rarely, but this post hit me right in the heart.
You get me thinking so much about the time when Nicolas was in Afghanistan.
Loneliness,
fear,
long days and sometimes long nights,
long awaited phone call that didn't always ended up as one might wish …. etc etc etc
I feel with you and think of you.
xx
Kristine
So eloquent.
I am a stealth reader and rarely comment, but was so touched by your words and insight. I struggle with depression daily…have for 40 years. I recently started art journaling and find it really makes a difference in my mood. If you want to check it out google art journaling magazine, there are some freebie classes just started. Also, I started a tap dancing class, which at 51 years old, is a challenge, but what the hell. There is something very uplifting about dancing. Keep up your spirits, your posts always lift mine.
Your summery pictures sent a shock of happiness into me today! I am done all my year's obligations and will FINALLY be able to enjoy a slow day with my babe after a long winter/spring of busy-ness.
Thank you for that! Stay strong, stay true, stay so darn nifty.
PS I met your nephew last week while my sister was in town. We had a play date with our little ones. Eli is just so sweet.
"Fight for good.
Sometimes you have to. There is a mirror here that reflects only the dark, only the bad, and some days, you've just got to reach out and punch it, turn the glass into a spiderweb, turn away from the rapacious storm and see the real world for what it is
and the potential there for
good."
THIS! This is why I love your soul (and words), Jillian.
Things have been challenging around these parts lately. I'm choosing to punch that mirror. I'm going to give it hell and turn around.
Thank you. Your words and thoughts are more encouraging than you know.
Oh, dang it. Cocoa Krispies was sounding mighty fine until I saw your yummy spread. (Just gonna close my eyes and pretend.)
Is there a doggy-equivalent to catnip, do you think?
(Oh, ha. You know the famous 'Dogs Playing Poker' paintings? Just had a flash of a bunch of dogs smoking weed!)
…and on that note, perhaps you can bake your neighbor some very special brownies…
xxx
Word verification: Harig (Hm, awfully close to hag.)
so true, I will try to punch that mirror, the best I can, every day, in honor of the best version of me (and in honor of the beautiful insights you keep sharing with us, you lovely woman!)
xoxo
Gosh.
You're all so lovely.
Move to Idaho so we can have craft time at my kitchen table every summer night.
And don't ever stop your big souls from shining so.
Thank you for these comments.
x
Finally catching up on reading today… and I miss you. Let's gather wild weeds to make circlets and binge on berries.
Ok!