A couple of months ago, when RW and I were about to fall asleep some moonlit night, after a long, hot July day, I mumbled out to him my theories on sleep and why it’s necessary for the soul. I often drowsily pontificate on existential topics or supernatural theories right before I fall asleep at night and he’s quite thoughtful and kind to lay there and listen to me instead of refute all of the crazy things I’m saying which is one of the greatest things about Robert — he might not always say as much as I say but he’s always thinking about one million rich things and that’s why his eyes are so beautiful and bright.
On that particular night, I was telling him all about why I think our souls need sleep. I think we are born soft and the older we get, the harder we get. Think of work hardened metal that is beat up and bashed and hardened over time — crystal lattice winding down tighter and tighter until the metal is rigid and brittle and the slightest attempt to bend it results in shattering it. I think humans get this way, mostly from getting slapped around by other humans, tragically, and from the general wear and tear of life. I think the softness of our souls keeps us supple in body, mind and spirit. I think we maintain soul softness by sleeping. It’s the part of a 24-hour day when we get to unplug, return to a sort of infancy in our feather lined cradles, shut our eyes and cascade, cell by cell, into a canyon of dreams and eye fluttering. It’s a sort of miracle when you stop to think about it. So many people are too stressed to sleep these days, too busy to sleep, or too imbalanced to sleep and they walk around our fair Earth hardened and unhappy. I know how I feel after a horrid sleep or lack of sleep — edgy, cranky, short tempered, selfish — I find myself running about life, unfocused, pinging off of the people and things around me. Chaotic. Disordered. Hard of soul. When I have slept well, it’s just the opposite. I am slower to speak, kinder, patient, unflappable. Generally nice in most ways. When I wake up in the morning after a wonderful sleep I feel soft and wholly beautiful. I’m a clean slate. My eyes are warm. My heart is home to bird thrums and joyful expectation.
We plug our phones into electrical sockets to recharge them. To soften and re-energize our souls, we lay our bodies in our beds. Perhaps the soul is the battery of being?
——————————————————-
Last night was my second sleep at the little cabin in the woods. I was exhausted and in need of sabbath. I had a truly wretched day in the studio. I ruined a couple of things I was working on and nearly bashed my kneecap off my leg when I slipped while stepping up into the Airstream — hurt like the dickens. In hindsight, I should not have worked yesterday and should have taken the day off. I was worm-eaten by fatigue and operating on a mere fraction of my regular verve. Life has been too fast lately. Too fast and overfull. I put myself to bed early last night and slept deeply until the dogs woke me this morning. Once awake, I stayed in bed with a book for another couple of hours, listening to the pups out in the woods, digging and rooting around after musty scents under the douglas firs. The chipmunks were in the trees clashing their castanets together in the sunrise and day glimmer. I lifted from bed, stood on the upper deck for a while, feeling tall as a tree, breeze wrangling. I made a decanter of coffee and, as is my usual habit, I went out to walk in the pungent duff and light of the forest morning, feeling malleable and kind. Assured of the goodness of life with each breath I took in and out. Watching bird zoom and grass riffle. Generally, such a marvelous way to begin the day.
There are so many new and wonderful sounds to learn, living in this tall forest. A woolly little hawk flew past my face a few days ago, with the remains of a rabbit in its talons. Yesterday morning, while driving into town, a ruffed grouse ran ahead of the truck for the better part of a minute before stepping off the side of my ingrown driveway to giving me an enticing and majestic feather display (though he didn’t drum for me), I let him go on and on about his immaculate attributes it until I finally found the courage to tell him that I am happily married and he’d have to find another bird to love. (Wrong season, anyway. Poor thing.)
On this fine day, I will eventually have to go down the mountain to make an appearance at the post office before I meet up with a friend for a horseback riding date after which a wonderful family of friends hopes to feed me steak and potatoes for dinner because apparently, I’m looking too thin. Can you imagine? I think that by the time tomorrow morning spins into being, I’ll be feeling clear of my previously atrocious studio day and ready to work again.
—————————————-
The dogs just came rollicking and galloping into the cabin like schooners at play in a stiff wind. It’s chaos, toe claws and pink tongues mopping the cabin floor. They smell of tree sap, merry tributaries, the fringed edges of summer, kestrel wings, ladybug snouts, bear claws. Life is overwhelmingly delectable.
sleep is indeed restorative, in so many ways.
Hey dear J,
I had nearly the very same thought this morning as I sat exhausted from doing so much, and while I was reading a meditational selection to set my mind on the right compass point, I stated to the empty room that I know I am to experience hardship to become diamond like but … For several minutes I chose lowered expectations..then I dropped that idea..then I dropped all ideas altogether…in my recent dream I hovered above the oceans and created lightning..it was very entertaining! Kiss you horse for me right on the softness of his nose.
Sending you love…eat food …smile your beautiful smile xx
Lady, love your way of painting the day in words for us.
On sleep, so true, so thoughtful. I notice the difference in myself, as well. Especially during my current bout of insomnia; I’m about four hours away from Cujo.
I hope you enjoy the wonderful day with friends! It sounds very fine, indeed.
X
Skinny chicks are HOT, and sleep is for the birds… Until I run up against my sleep depravity point and become a lion.
Oh yes. Lack of sleep brings out the hard, negative, impatience, whereas a peaceful night of uninterrupted sleep is pure bliss from the morning you awake and the cats greet you with purrs and rubs, because they too, are rested and SOFT.
I laughed. Poor ruffed grouse…wrong season! Ha! Lastly, I see you were raised by wolves. They’ve delisted them here and the hunt is on. I bet I lose some sleep over that. You really wrote a great piece today. X
I needed to read this. I have such a hard time going to bed. I am like a little kid, afraid I will miss out on something grand. Staying up til 1 or 2 am, then having to be up with my children fairly early is taking its toll. I crave alone time, and the only time I get it is late at night. But, perhaps if I slept more, I could deal better on less alone time? Or maybe, (shocker of shockers) I could switch my alone time to the early morning before the rest of the family was up? That would be ideal. I’m going to attempt to attempt it…
Your little cabin in the woods sounds absolutely perfect! What a delightful restful place to spend the fall. I hope to see lots of photos of the woods, and look forward to seeing how this space influences your work.
once again, you penned the exquisite.
xx
Perhaps you are feeling a little like the Autumn season of rest, recuperation and renewal. I do hope you are happy in your little cabin in the woods – it looks like a dream! And your thoughts, so eloquently expressed are inspiring and heart warming as always.
xx
Oh please write a book! The way you string words together gives my soul such a thrill. After reading your blog I always am able to go out into the world remembering, KNOWING, that life is a deep dark miracle, inlaid with glorious secrets, and unfathomable beauty. Thank you x
“overwhelmingly delectable”… that’s the perfect way to describe your blog/your heart here!
As a mama I have seen first hand the slow torture of sleeplessness… (whoever coined “sleeps like a baby” needs their head shook!) ha! Even the Divine rested after His glorious creating session.. seems fitting that we wee mortals would need plenty of it to keep our souls ‘soft’.
Loved that post! (Who are we kidding, love ALL your posts).
xo
mel
needle and nest design
i love this. this is exactly what i needed to read today. <3
Beautiful post. Thank you!
Women, you put into words what it is my soul screams…..
i am losing hope… I am alone in this word, your words help me
find my way. I am too close to this democratic*republican thing…
and am surrounded by everyone in between, I’m trying to stay focused,
trying to stay in between…..but I can not stop the screams!!! I am heading
to the hills to the in-betweens…Thank you for word words and for your in-betweens!
I wish I had a little cabin I could retreat to, how very lucky you are! Love & light to you.
Delectable, indeed.
I love your thoughts on soul sleep…very beautiful
and I think you are on to something : )
I feel my life is very full right now as well…I think it is the month
early rising does help balance the mind and soul….
love and light my canadian sister
Ah, sleep- it is the ultimate in restoration. I just had conversations with two dear yoga students I teach about getting enough rest. Both have been dealing with a lack of sleep and I have been this way too. I offered them yoga poses, tea suggestions (with samples to come) and ways to nurture themselves back into the cradle. It’s an epidemic of busyness we have in the U.S. and if we all got more sleep it would be such a kinder world. Marinating in the words and descriptions of the wildness around your new home– so sorry you slipped and hurt yourself. It sounds like you are on your way to better self care, though. I wish I had a place where I could let my dog out to run to her heart’s content- we make do with short jaunts here and there. (Sorry for the rambling on…still waking up. :))
Ah, sweet sleep. Nothing quite like it. (Which makes those sleepless nights so much harder to bear, at times.) Soul soft…that feels exactly right. I slept well last night, albeit some bizarro dreams. Woke to some hammering on the roof, which is still less annoying than neighboring dogs barking their crazy heads off. And nope, wasn’t crows fighting over a T-bone this time, but roofers preparing our abode for the winter months. I’m so grateful for hardworking hands.
I’m so sorry you hurt yourself, too, Jillian. I hope you aren’t hobbling too terribly. Hurting myself always feels wretched, somehow. Not that I have too many opportunities to injure myself in my line of work. (I suppose I could poke my eye out with a pen, but that would most likely be on purpose!)
Healing wishes coming your way.
xxx
you are wonderful.
your post clearly articulated the thoughts that my sleep-deprived brain can not currently articulate for itself… as soon as we are settled at the new farm i plan to concentrate on soul-softening.
sending you all love,
xx
Thanks for the sleep reminder.
Sleeping in is great when your nest is on the highest floor, with tree fronds not too far away. You are blessed with both.
Otherwise, in my humble blog opinion, it’s the sleep type that quenches fatigue. Mood candy: a soft twenty-minute nap 🙂
oh to be a cat
I just discovered your blog a couple of months ago, and love reading it. I too love the outdoors, running,reading, writing, adventures, and creating. I teach gifted middle schooler’s and I am fascinated with intellectual right-brained creative people…you are all 3! You mention your journal quite frequently and post photos…where do you get your journals, as I have looked for one similar and can’t find one?
Blessings, Steph