I ate an artichoke for dinner tonight. I like them so much. The pulling away of the scales, the dipping in olive oil, pepper and lemon juice, the scraping of the teeth, and the delectable heart of it all — so plump and rare tasting.
The artichokes are wonderful at the grocer lately. I’m taking advantage of it.
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I am writing a lot right now. Pages and pages in the morning, scraps of essays that are slowly taking form. I have something I am supposed to write — there is no deadline but there’s kind of a deadline, you know? Anyway, I’m figuring out how to approach that piece. There are five directions the piece can go and I simply have to settle on one.
Oh, sometimes the committing is so tedious, so impossible.
I keep writing things that I don’t know what to do with. I’m in a place, here in my 30s, wherein I want to share some of my larger life lessons through writing but sharing those life lessons will require anecdotes and truths and I don’t know how to write, how to share, without having people (some who are dear to me) feel alienated! I want to write about my family, my friends, my strangers, and the little pieces of me that have been murdered over time…but I know that when I write about those things, there’s going to be some kick back. I know I cannot make everyone happy. It’s impossible. But where does the balance fall between work and love, expression and respect, revolution and safety? I’m not sure yet, which is why I’m keeping a lot of good things under wraps. I remind myself, everything takes as long as it takes and in the meanwhile, I keep putting my pen to paper every single morning.
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Speaking of morning, my mornings are finally finding a rhythm. My days are finally finding a rhythm, my nights, too. It’s amazing how much more time I spend working when I am not spending myself on Robert (and I love to spend myself on Robert). I miss him but it’s very good to be a full-on workaholic right now.
I’m like a draft horse in the studio, all bright brawn, rippling muscle and keen eyes.
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Late at night here, in the wee hours of the morning, Tater and Farley come clip-clopping into the bedroom and one after the other they climb up into bed with me. We don’t allow dogs in our bed, but I let them stay, because I need them to, and I think there’s something intangible they are sensing that draws them to me in the night. We sleep together, my hands on their warm backs, until the sun begins to rise. I recently read that a lone wolf is a symbol of freedom while a wolf pack is a symbol of community; when Rob is away, my dogs give me an augmented sense of place and family. I often wonder who I would be without them. I think I live a split life, a life of a shape-shifter. I’ve become half-dog-half-human in my wide open living — in my isolation. I don’t know whether to sigh at the moon or howl at it. I don’t know if I should scoop the water up to my mouth with a cupped palm to drink or lap at it like a dog.
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I hoped to update the shop this week but need to postpone until next week — for practical reasons as well as my own general sanity. You can expect a shop update on February 25th and it will be a wild smattering of new designs as well as pieces I have had cluttering my workbench that I FINALLY made the space to finish. I’ve been cleansing my palate, tying up loose ends and creating some new and glorious things. I can’t wait to share it all with you, for it is all good.
More soon.
X
Gorgeous images, I love your hoard of objects, it’s like a fantastical museum. Can’t wait to see your new creations
I dread the thought of packing everything up for a move, if and when we move, if and when this house sells. Rob will tell me to toss a lot of it. But I don’t think I’ll be able to!
I agree with the comment above, I love the shelf portraits. And thank you for reminding me that I spotted cheap artichokes at the greengrocer stall the other day, I’ll go back and get some!
Go get ’em, girl!!!
Hi there, I was so glad to see your blog post this morning along with your announcement of a shop update, you made my day! I can’t wait to see what you’ve been creating, thank you for your presence, I admire you very much.
Michele! I’m delighted to have you here and yes, a shop update. I am working tremendously hard and getting one ready for you all. Your patience always astounds. 🙂 X
And all this time I thought you were part pronghorn. 😉
The writing dilemma, it’s a Catch-22. You could turn your life lessons into fiction. Make up names and places. Who would know? Hahaha.
I’m in love with that ‘river house’ river. She’s a green goddess.
x
GUFFAW!!!
I just think…maybe…the people who truly embrace their humanity, their dark side and light side, the good and evil of their own souls, are the people who are ok with being written about. I mean the people who can laugh at themselves and cry at themselves.
I also think some of the best writing with autobiographical roots stems from a place of the same knowledge — not from a place of arrogance but a place of truth and learning and striving.
That’s how I want to write. Not for revenge. But to unveil lessons to others, and myself.
Sometimes I don’t know what I have learned until I begin to write about an experience.
I love that river house river, too. I left part of my heart there.
X
Your words touch a place in me that few people’s words can reach. I hear a resounding, “Amen Sister” in my soul when I read your thoughts. I so enjoy your writings and the words that you put to many of the same feelings that I have as a woman about to turn 50. The fact that you know yourself so well, at such a young age, is something I so admire. It has only been in the past 5-7 years that I have finally settled in to who I believe to be my true self. And it makes me sad because now my life is more than half over and, my body is older and slower but my heart and mind are finally in sinc and I know all that I wish to be doing with my life and have the person in my life to do it all with. Enjoy your beautiful life Jillian and keep after that free, wild spirit, next to the man you love with all your being!!!
And on a super excting note, CAN”T WAIT for your shop to open next week!!!!!!
Have a great, fantastic day!!!
XXOO
Sometimes I think I know the things I know because my work has thrust me into the online limelight and thereby, I have been forced to brush up against a larger population of people and with a larger population of people comes a higher percentage of wackos!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA!
You know, I also spend a lot of time alone, by choice and I have been lucky to have been granted a handful of really wonderful, quality friends in this life and our friends are our teachers — for better or for worse.
About to turn 50, huh? I think that’s glorious. You’re right where you are supposed to be. Keep a wide open heart.
X
The sleeping cat, the amethyst (?) rings! You and your sweetie. I’m happy for your workaholic days, because, frankly I’m having the hardest time working, when spring is outside, calling my name. And tell me about the essays that don’t know where to go, the bits of homeless stories…they’re hanging out on my stoop all the time. I’d love to read some of yours <3
I KNOW!
The weather.
I perish.
Every time I look out the studio window I perish a little. I just tell myself there is a time to work and a time to play.
And the essay orphans…they are numerous. They are biding their time.
Love having you here, babe.
X
“You own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”-Anne Lamott
I thought of this quote while reading your blog post today. I agree whole heartedly with the first two sentences. The third feels a little wreck-less, but maybe it’s brave.
Great quote, though I have to agree with you, that third part does seem a little brazen — even for ME! 🙂 I don’t ever want to write for revenge or with the intent to hurt. I have found a lot of justice in my life and have learned that it never comes from my own hand.
Authentic and honest writing is an act of absolute bravery. My experience has been it’s important to write what you need to write and realize all things will eventually come to their proper time – and when that time comes you will recognize it and be ready. You are brave in so many ways and this is just another segment of that.
Beautiful photos, as usual!!!! 🙂
Amen, sister. Amen. In the meanwhile, I’m just doing my best to keep my pen on the paper.
X
Love your blog! Is that a CZ912 I spy next to the montefeltro? How do you like it?
It is. We were hunting with a friend that day and it’s his gun. I actually shoot a 20ga Ithaca Featherlight which I like, very much.
oh, look. there’s robert. smiling.
and there’s a green river and a heartrock.
and lots of plumey purple.
life becomes richer and better as we age. you’re just a wee pup in the scheme of things, yet your soul is so wholly and completely old and wise.
xX
There’s all the good stuff! 🙂
X
When writing so strong, so true, bubbles up from the soul, the story has to be told. I often tell myself if my writing is found, long after I’m gone, the characters in the stories will appreciate my honesty.
Keep on writing, and let the words be your guide. xx
Amen!!!
‘I think I live a split life, a life of a shape-shifter. I’ve become half-dog-half-human in my wide open living — in my isolation. I don’t know whether to sigh at the moon or howl at it. I don’t know if I should scoop the water up to my mouth with a cupped palm to drink or lap at it like a dog.’
Ah. You just hit the heartstrings on that one for me. Thanks for being so full of truth and such a source of friendship for me. xx
Love ya, B. X
I know what you mean about the dogs in your bed – we don’t allow our dog in our bedroom at all (it gives the cats a safe space when he gets too boistrous) but the nights Jason is out late and I am home alone I sleep on the couch so Indy can curl up with me. There is just something about the warm, furry body and knowing that he’ll be there if anything should happen. Now that we have a baby I’ll bring her out sometimes too and the three of us will sleep on the couch together. It doesn’t happen that often – Jason isn’t much for overnight parties or being out that late – but when it does, it’s something I really need. Otherwise, I can’t sleep at all.
Do they walk into your room in the night, when you are sleeping, to check on you? Mine walk in, stand for a moment to hear my breathing, and then turn around and go back to bed…as quiet as they came. It’s endearing.
Love the photo of your nature finds! I have many similar things but can’t keep them out in the open or the cats chew on them – feathers, abandoned bird eggs, etc. I know exactly what you mean about the dogs. I am alone a lot and don’t know what I’d do without my dog – to talk to, to hike with, to watch her for clues to what’s out there in the dark when I take her out for potty breaks before bed, and to keep me company and guard me when hubby is out of town.
I have lost a few bits and pieces in the past to dogs, mostly. Our cat is mostly an outside cat and he eats enough birds that feathers are no novelty to him. 🙂
Smatterings of such sweet-sweet goodness, as always! I can’t believe (well, I can) how widespread your photos are becoming on these internets! 😉 When I see one of your photos, I yelp and yip like a lil pup! So happy for you, dearest Jillian. Exciting times.
Praying that I’ll be able to snag up some new plumage…needing it so.
Much love to you always, ladybird!
I know! It’s all a little too much, at times. 🙂
XX
Jillian, would you mind sharing with me your favorite brands for hiking shoes and for running shoes on trails? As there are no stores anywhere near where I live to purchase these things, I always need to shop on line. I would love to know what brands you prefer and have put to the test. Thank you so much 🙂
XXOO
Debbie
Sure!
I usually run in a pair of Salomon trail running shoes, though I don’t adore them. I keep meaning to pop by the running shop and have them check my stride and thereby suggest the perfect shoe for me. Maybe I’ll do that this weekend…
Chaco is excellent (and I work for them). I hike in a pair of Chaco sandals in the summer time, more often than not. Their boots and shoes are all great. I put a pair of their flip-flops on my feet first thing in the morning…like slippers. I have nothing bad to say about this company. They are wonderful.
I have a pair of La Sportiva hiking shoes as well as a pair of Merrell hiking shoes. I also have a pair of hiking shoes by Patagonia (these are my favorites).
My hiking boots died and went to heaven after upland season this year, I’ll let you know what I replace them with someday.
Happy shopping!!!
X
Thanks so much doll. I really appreciate your help. One more question that I love to ask outdoor-sey gals who also lean to the natural side of things. Sunscreen, do you use any and if so, what brand do you love? I try to do so much to keep natural foods in my body and natural products on my body and sunscreen can be a real problem for me. Okay, thanks again my friend.
XXOO
I hate sunscreen. My skin hates sunscreen.
I think it’s best to get the right amount of sun. After that, put on a hat, wrap a cotton scarf around your neck and toss on a button-down shirt. But I do wear some sunscreen. Alba makes an ok kind that isn’t too greasy and Kiehls makes a great one that DOES NOT COME OFF. Not with lake water, river water, trout slime or sweat — expensive but it’s worth it. No matter which sunscreen I use, it makes my skin unhappy but I have really obnoxious skin…I’m part of the 1% of humanity that cannot tolerate coconut oil as lotion. True story.
Incredible, inspiring and transporting as usual. A great escape for a few minutes on a Monday. I’m working hard now so I can afford to live away from the crazy in a few years and not have to escape from Mondays : )
A practical inquiry I have is your photos are incredible and seem to be taken during all sorts of weather: how cold is too cold for a camera? I’m in the Northeast and it has been -20s and incredible scenery and I worry about my camera (Cannon T3i) and taking it on hikes with me.
THanks in advance, and stay wild.
Great question about cold and cameras. I have to tell you that once I turned a camera on while at home in Saskatchewan, to take a photo of a horse out at the barn and as soon as I switched it on, I heard a sound of death, and the camera never worked again.
It was -42C with a -15C wind chill on top of the base temperature. !!!!!!!! :< It was friggen FRIGGEN cold. I always say, never worry about breaking your gear. Just use the heck out of it. If you baby it, it might last forever, but you might have missed out on a phenomenal photo along the way. USE that camera!!! -20 won't bust it, and if it does, send it in to Canon and have them work on it. They're great about repairs. I would know. I've sent them so many bits and pieces for fixing over the years and they never have failed me. I do crazy things with my cameras all the time. The worst thing that has ever happened to a piece of my camera gear is when the whole shebang was on a tripod on the edge of a cliff last summer and a 40mph wind gust blew the whole set up off the cliff!!!!!! It was about a 17ft drop. I was crying for days. But I got everything fixed up just fine and the photo I took right before everything took a tumble was sold to a company in the UK for a national campaign advert. 🙂 Be fearless. Use your gear. It's what it was made for! X