I’ve wanted to talk to you about charity since June. Some of you might recall I took the entire month of June away from social media. The main reason for the break was I felt myself suffering a kind of fatigue that seemed to stem from watching humanity tear itself to pieces. I was also tired of people telling me what to do, what to say, and how to live my life. But there was something else going on, too, that was absolutely repulsive to me. In late May, I saw people criticizing each other for the way in which they practiced their charity. I saw people demanding that receipts for charitable donations be shown to the public. I saw people howling at each other, “SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS.” I saw people judging each other for how they chose to give and how much they chose to give. Everywhere I looked I saw charity being weaponized and I was repulsed by it.
So I stepped away.
It was then that I felt I needed to share my thoughts on charity but I haven’t been brave enough to do so until now. I have put much time and energy and thought into deciding how to go about practicing charity and I want to tell you that what I’m about to say does not come from a place of
I see that it is in fashion to use charity to market small businesses. While this might feel right for a good many people, it has never felt right to me. Don’t act surprised by this, you see me living my life in a way that is usually
There are two basic ways for me to practice charity:
a) I can make money, give some of it away, tell everyone about it, gain esteem in the eyes of the public and garner accolades.
b) I can make money, give some of it away, and not tell anyone about it.
I practice option b.
I feel that simply making the money and giving it away without telling anyone about my good deeds is a way to focus my heart on the action of giving instead of what I will receive by giving. Do you see what I mean? I feel the need to practice my charity as purely as I can, to remove my self from giving so that the gift can serve in completeness.
When I think of practicing charity, I imagine an invisible, indelible contract between hearts — I look at a fellow human and I see they have a need, I look at my own life and see I have enough. I feel the quiet, beautiful heart of God tap against my own heart, and I feel that powerful connection to the Holy
I have been inspired so often by stories of old wherein even the poorest households find a way to share the warmth of their hearth and their last morsels of food with a cold, hungry, wayward stranger. This work is beautiful, wholesome, human, and it doesn’t have to be fancy. It doesn’t need to be swathed in a cocktail dress, it doesn’t require letterpressed invites, nothing needs to be bedazzled. We just have to show up for our fellow humans however we are able to. If there is only one slice of bread left, break it into two pieces.
The other idea I want to touch on is the idea of keeping your giving
We build connections and community by being here for each other in times of need. Giving locally within our neighborhoods builds our neighborhoods. Keep your chins up, keep your eyes open, know your neighbors, help your neighbors when you see they have a need. Donate your money, your time, your love. Look each other in the eyes, make contracts with other hearts, let the heart of God (from whom all good and perfect gifts rain down upon us) inspire you to uplift and treasure your fellow humans.
The final idea I want to share with you is the idea of receiving others with charity, with generosity. Instead of legalistically nit-picking others for their word choices, instead of being hung up on political correctness, instead of taking part in witch hunts, I work my tail off to see the intentions of others. I can take their words and actions as insults, or I can choose to interpret their words and actions with charity. I can expect the best of others instead of assuming the worst of them. This might be the most difficult form of charity to practice and it becomes increasingly difficult to navigate the intentions of others as we cover our faces, hide our smiles behind these masks, and cower behind our glowing screens every day of the week. I try my hardest to receive others with an open mind and open heart and this includes doing my best to see their good intentions when they express their ideas and choose their words.
That’s
As always, I look forward to reading your thoughts on what I’ve shared here
I love you all.
Beautiful words, I feel and see this so much. So many these days believe that if it’s not documented for the public to see or “approve” it doesn’t exist or didn’t happen. Charity seems to be so ego driven instead of from the heart. Maybe they assume the greed and untrust in others that they have inside themselves? There’s so many ways to give and receive 💚💚
I think some of what we are seeing on social media is also fear driven…people are afraid to practice their charity quietly and privately because they might get called out for it (which happens to me regularly)😂. I think so many behaviors we’re seeing in online spaces are a result of people being afraid — a result of coercion — a fear of punishment. If we don’t do what the collective tells us to do we risk being cancelled.
Practice charity however you want to but don’t practice it a certain way out of FEAR.
It is a complex world, and so many of us struggle with finding and feeling a sense of worth and purpose. While am not in the habit of sharing the people and organizations to whom I give, I imagine those who do have varied reasons for doing so: because it makes them feel more worthy or worthwhile, because it promotes a sense of belonging – to a tribe, a cause, a movement, a community, or because they are hoping to inspire others to support the organization or person they have chosen to support. And perhaps, for some, there is the need to prove something. I am inclined to think that it is the first three options more often than not.
And yes to keeping it local! Where we “spend” our time and money and where we sow our energy and love makes a difference.
Thanks, Jillian! I was waiting for this post and really appreciate the thoughts and perspective you’ve shared.
Hilary
Thanks for being here, Hilary! And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate your words.
LOCAL LOCAL LOCAL!!! Local is love!!!
Happy holidays and Merry Christmas to you, Hilary!
I hear this loud and clear. Giving is personal and it’s really nobody’s business where other people donate. I’ve also felt first hand how disappointing it is to have community not want to give on a local level. My son is dyslexic and when he was much younger I was looking for local donations to get him into a special school that as a single mother I could not afford and was granted only a partial scholarship. When I went to the office of my car insurance carrier, I was told that their funds for donations were already used for a reading program in Africa. I’m happy they were trying to do good but felt cut out of my community and a local business that made money from me. I was dumbfounded as to why they wouldn’t want to help local children read.
Amen to you sister. Anyone who questions your intentions deserves a knuckle sandwich.
Love
Liz
Liz,
I agree. I think it’s supremely personal, sacred work.
This is such a great example of how ALL GIVING IS GOOD, but we miss out on seeing our hard earned money going the extra mile when we send it out of our communities. LOCAL IS LOVE! I’m so sorry your community wasn’t there for you and others when you had such a big need. I hope they’ve made up for it in the meanwhile.
Have a wonderful Christmas.
Some time ago when i made my first real, recordable donation, i received a letter confirming that my donation was tax-deductable. Around me i was hearing friends and co-workers talking about their tax deductions, and how to “get money back”, etc. I was trying to educate myself about money management then, so i listened… and then threw all their advice out the window. I don’t give to get back. I give to help. Period. I don’t want to be acknowledged, I don’t want to be recorded, I don’t want anything back. I also purchase from the independent makers and organizations my heart and gut believe in. Some of them choose to align with other folks and organizations they believe in, and that’s fine. …You’ve put it much more eloquently than I ever could, Jillian. I knew the minute I started reading your post that my heart would connect with your words. The most striking of what you said is to practice charity in ‘receiving others with an open mind and open heart and this includes doing my best to see their good intentions when they express their ideas and choose their words.’ Living in the city, this has been so, so, so difficult this year. Nerves are frayed. Everyone’s on edge. Businesses are boarded up. In usually mild-mannered Seattle, people are yelling at each other in the street. Thank you, you’re reminding me, nudging me, toward deeper charity. 🦋
Thank you for practicing charity with such conviction. And hang in there, over in Seattle. We had friends from Seattle here for Thanksgiving and we heard all about it. Stay safe, chin up, keep hope in your heart.
Love, peace, abundant JOY!
Thank you. I try to give with an intention and also leave open the possibility of spontaneous giving. I recently saw an elderly woman being helped by a Walgreens worker to get her ‘dinner’ of a packaged sandwich et al. That was a moment for me to reach for my wallet and pay for this very basic need. I only wish I didn’t envision her eating alone… let us all continue to do our best.
amen
Spontaneous giving is so much FUN! One more beautiful way to practice giving.
Wise words Jillian. Wise words. My father taught me by example that giving is to be done quietly and based it on = “ so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matt. 6:4” I have watched his blessings flow and mine too.
Good way to go about it!
I admire you greatly for this post. Charity comes easier for me. I am a giver. I can give my time and money (and do so quietly) without any second thought. I keep it local. I keep it close to my heart. But, if I’m being honest, it’s the third kind of charity you speak of that I am struggling with. I hate how polarized the state of the world is, and I know that everything is more nuanced than society/political parties allow it to be. And yet, I struggle with being open minded and open hearted towards those who see things differently than me. I struggle with jumping to conclusions and getting angry. I need to work on this.
Thank you for your words, Jillian. Thanks for keeping things open and honest.
The third kind of charity is really the most difficult charity of all…but I like to view it as an atrophied muscle in our society. The more you work at it, the more you flex it and bend it, the stronger your ability becomes!!! It’s all about habit and rewiring the mind and heart. And sometimes I find it’s just about how well rested I am, or if I’ve had a hard day, or PMS. Ha ha ha! Take it one moment, one encounter at a time. I believe in you.
Hello Jillian,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for the careful consideration you have given the matter. I absolutely hear you and found myself nodding yes in many parts.
As usual, your writing caused me to reflect a bit and ask myself, I wonder what positive (if any) could come from someone telling others about their acts of charity. My background is in education so I immediately thought of the positive example it could set for youth and young adults. I’d like to think they learn this from their families, but I have seen enough to know this isn’t always the case. Intention is so key. I do wonder, if done with humility, honesty and character, could sharing about personal acts of generosity (given and received) be uplifting and illuminating for others? I hope some youth and young adults are reading your writings! Thanks again for the food for thought. Your journal and Instagram account are ones I go to often and while I completely understood, you were missed during your leave.
Sincerely,
Rachel
Rachel,
Thank you so much for taking a moment to share these thoughts. I totally agree with you. Teaching kids about giving, about charity, about working in neighborhoods and communities to build others up and meet the needs of individuals is SO IMPORTANT. It’s good work to be doing and this kind of “publicizing” of charity feels really different from what I see on social media and out in the world at large as it seeks to teach and grow and build. It’s not rooted in fear or ego.
Intention is absolutely key.
Love these thoughts!
Have a beautiful Christmas!
I had to write down your words about halving the last piece of bread on a sticky note and take it to my mirror. They’re simple words but they’re clear and poignant. Such simple, elegant beauty to them! However, no matter how pretty the words the sentiment behind them is their true beauty. Thanks for this, it gave my heart the warm fuzzies!
OH! I almost deleted those words after I wrote them! They seemed too simple. I’m glad they struck a chord in your heart. Appreciate you being here.
I will simply say: AMEN!!
Thanks for being here, Karen!
Thank you for your beautiful reflections on this sacred act! I couldn’t agree more! ♥️
Thanks for being here, Alisha! Have a beautiful Christmas.
Wise words. Thank you. I have shared your fatigue stemming from the charity “battles” on social media – as if what we post is the sum and substance of our lives. Goodness! To judge and be judged by instagram squares is folly indeed. That idea that our giving is a sacred contract of the heart between God, the giver, and the recipient is beautiful. I have also found that quite often, when I think I am the giver, I receive back far more than I give. This exchange is sullied if I announce my giving to the world. I battle that temptation to announce and crave the sensitivity to respond to the moving of the Spirit in my heart, the quiet whispers and nudges of God. May we all grow in compassion and true charity!
“To judge and be judged by instagram squares is folly indeed.”
Spot on.
I think what we receive when we practice our charity with a pure heart is CONNECTION. Even if we give to someone who is absolutely grumpy, we bound ourselves to another human…there’s some kind of invisible energy in the exchange even if we never receive a thank you.
Peace, love, abundant joy, and Merry Christmas to you, Beth!
This is why you’ll always be one of my favorite voices to follow. I’m just here to say thank you, I am so relieved when people are brave enough to speak their own truths, especially when they don’t align with the “truths” of the popular narrative. Strange times. I hear you, I see you, I thank you, I’m with you.
We’re living in a time of great fear and unfreedom. AND THOSE WORDS ARE NOT A STATEMENT ABOUT MASKS. 😂😂😂 If I had a dollar for every email and message I receive about being a terrible-anti-mask-human (I’m not anti-mask) I’d retire early, buy a small island somewhere, and grow millions of orchids just for the sake of beauty.
Anyway, we all just need to talk to each other and listen to each other. Lots of folks are walking around with closed ears and hearts these days. It’s sad. I try my hardest to not be one of them.
Thanks for being here. Have a beautiful Christmas!
Thank you for this. May it be read and heard and absorbed. The effects of social media on our behavior goes deep and sometimes it takes calling out to really reflect and see it—the why if our actions. I have absolutely been one to use sales to garner funds for charity in the past, but I stopped doing that when I looked at it and felt kind of gross about it. I’d rather people just donate than buy my wares as an incentive to donate to causes. It is fascinating too how we throw money overseas to major disasters when there is so much suffering in our back yards. Media and the sense of helping drive that. The homeless population here is massive and it feels like nothing we do helps because the leadership in charge will not make moves to make real change. But, I also know that even the smallest kind gesture can turn someone’s day around who has been suffering, and that can make a huge difference.
Multiple times I have been the recipient of kindness from people that have far less than me, and it is always the most humbling experience. Even still, one of my favorite meals -rice with fried eggs and sriracha-came from a gentleman living in transitional housing, giving myself and a friend a meal when he had so little.
Thank you for your words, your candor, and your kindness, always.
Cat,
I love that you stopped to THINK about it, and then took your own path. I just want us all to stop and think about WHY we’re doing what we do….reject the programming if it doesn’t suit our minds and souls…
I really believe we need to turn our hearts and eyes back to our own homes, neighborhoods, and communities — fix what is broken right here beneath our noses before we begin to reach further into the mire. We need to save each other and help each other, human to human, face to face. I don’t want to be a number in a government computer, I want to be a person who cares for other humans and is cared for by other humans. I want to be part of a community that is strong enough to save itself.
Let’s take care of our own. What goes on in our communities and neighborhoods IS OUR BUSINESS.
And YES, there is ALWAYS something that can be shared.❤️
Love you, friend.
Something I like to do is let your posts grow and blossom. I return later to read the kind words of people whom your messages reach. It’s a beautiful thing and it always brings me hope. These replies were neat to read.
There were some great thoughts shared on this post. I’m thankful so many shared their ideas.
I love this post! a great subject, I just want to add that charity (to my humble point of view) is not only about money and giving it away but for me, who doesn’t have a lot I give what is my most precious thing: my time. Giving money, I do…but giving time is harder, and better. Helping in any way someone wh needs something is precious and sometimes it can be money but sometimes when you can give a day for free to someone it is as rewarding as efficient. Charity because then generosity. It is a beautiful post of yours, very beautiful.
Great thoughts, Nathalie!
I didn’t get into time as currency in this post but I totally agree with you. Volunteerism is also charity and it can be as simple as taking the time to hold doors for someone in a wheelchair at the post office. Appreciate you sharing this thought!
Jillian, you are such a beautiful soul. This post, the way you live, your down to earth and fierce independent nature inspire.
I too keep my giving quiet, mostly local, and spontaneous when need is seen and I am able. My grandmother was my guide in this way of giving. When she was no longer able to live on her own and I packed up her home to move to my mother’s, I found and entire bottom dresser drawer full of awards for her charity work. That no one, not even we, her family, ever knew she had received. My grandparent always seemed to have just enough, but still she found a way to give. Whether it was her time or cooking food for the the homeless shelter every week. (Which we learned from the other volunteers that came to her memorial service after she passed on). To give for the pure joy of helping another. To share what you have when you can, says it all. All the best to you and yours this holiday season.
Your grandmother continues to inspire us all! What a beacon of light for her community and for your family, as well. Thank you so much for sharing this story about her. I’m deeply touched by it.
Thank you.
Catching up on your writings…and as always you bring tears to my eyes with your words. You so beautifully state truth and love.
Something that came to mind while reading the last portion – “Sometimes, if we treat people like they are good, it challenges them to be good.”