Sunday Night

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[…brushed him for so long but could NOT get those spots off!]IMG_7695 IMG_7691 IMG_7679IMG_7703 IMG_7708IMG_7735IMG_7662I went to the barn with Jade tonight and we rode.  It was a perfect summer night under a beautiful sky, in the splaying arms of a cool night breeze with one of my best friends;  there were barn cats wrapped around my ankles and I had a grin plastered on my face the entire time.  Yup.  It was perfect like that.

Sometimes I don’t realize how badly I need my own horse until I am sitting on one, smelling those sweet old hay farts, neck reining, side passing, sitting a trot and rocking into a canter divine.  I’m ready.  I’m ready for my horse now.  I’ve been ready for ages.

My favorite thing to do horseback is drop the reins, put my arms in the air by my sides (not touching, but not totally relaxed); I close my eyes while allowing my hips to fall into perfect rhythm with the gait of my horse, I move my arms along with, as though I am walking — if you have ever ridden with me, I’ve shown you how to do this.  It feels like what it must feel like to be a centaur.

When I do it, I imagine I am a centaur walking up a mountain slope, step by step, steady and strong, serious and beautiful;  I am going to look at the stars to see what the future may hold.

Saint Amisk

IMG_7586IMG_7588Saint Amisk Necklace :: sterling and 14 karat gold

Patron Saint of the waterways –may your paddle and oars always be keen and bright, flashing with silver.

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Dip, dip and swing.

*Italicized lyrics borrowed from a Canadian folksong that every loon loving Canuck can sing along to.

*Amisk is the Cree word for beaver.

Winning

IMG_7569I’ve reached the point wherein I am very, very fire season tired.  I’ll get a second and third and fourth and fifth wind.  I always do.  But for the moment, I am tired and waiting on that breeze, that thing to loft my wilted feathers and carry me skyward.

I stayed in bed this morning until 10AM simply because I felt ill equipped to face the day, the week…the month.  This month and August were not supposed to be like this.  I was supposed to relish spacious living, room to roam the backcountry with my fly rod in hand and my dogs at my heels, daily ten mile runs, watering the gardens in the cool of 9PM while sipping a gin and tonic after a decent day of work…

That moment when life takes drastic turns in a thousand different directions is when we fire wives (and otherwise) prove our fortitude, when we prove what we are made of, as humans; I’m in the thick of a proving ground right now.  I feel undignified, savage, scrambling, scruffy, exhausted.  I told a friend today that I just have to keep on doing everything I’m doing because if I let everything come to rest, I’ll never get it all up in the air again.  That loss of momentum is such a killer.  I’m sure some of you can relate, fire wife or not.  I just keep telling myself, “Don’t stop.  The burden of it all will thin out eventually and then you’ll see the benefit of hard work.  Keep pushing through it all.  Fix what is broken.  Make what you can.  Feed yourself good food.  Relax as deeply as you can once the sun goes down.  Answer the emails with authentic joy.  Keep saying yes.”

I simply must keep it all up in the air, orbiting and swirling at lofty heights.  I’ll break a thousand fecund sweats keeping it all there, but the effort boasts a greater result than the alternative.

I made it into the studio around 4PM today.  I didn’t get much done, but I was there, I made it.  I fought the chaotic trajectory of the day with all my might and I won.  I’m going to do it again tomorrow and then the day after that, because in the summer, this what I do, I fight hard and I win.

The Office Above My House

Above my house there is an office space that operates on a first come first serve basis.  Which is to say, if you get there first, you get to use it for as long as you like to, and everyone who swings by (and no one ever swings by) can find a space of their own, elsewhere, on a different mountain peak.

I arrived by 4×4 around sunset the other night, just as a blood red forest fire sun was sinking through the clouds over the Snake River Plain.  I had the dogs with me (you can take your dogs to this office no matter how rowdy they are) and they galloped through indian paintbrush and fireweed hunting for marmots as I sat with a stone for a backrest, balanced my sketchbook on my knees and poured black ink over six pages, front and back.

I live, quite literally, on the very edge of one of the biggest cities in Idaho (there are about 50 000 humans in Pocatello) and the only reason I can live in town like this is because this space, THIS SPACE, is directly across and above the street from my house.  I can be on a single track trail in thirty seconds if I run out my front door.  The West Bench feels like an extension of my property, and in a way, it is, since I pay my taxes to the United States government.  Public lands are mine, and they’re yours too if you also render part of your income to the government here.  That’s cool to think about, isn’t it?  Here in the USA, we are rich in so many ways.  I saw Utah Phillips play in a tiny venue in Grass Valley, California once with Robbie.  Something he said between songs has stuck with me for ten full years now, it’s something I share with others regularly and I’ll paraphrase the heart of what he said here because the truth of it is sure to resonate with you.

One of the most special things about the American West, the American interior West to be even more specific, is the huge sum of land that is held in trust as wilderness area and public use area.  I’m talking about Beaureau of Land Management lands, Forest Service lands, National Parks and National Monuments.  By the nature of the fact that your tax paying dollars go towards the care and preservation of those lands, you OWN them.  They are yours to explore, to keep, to treasure, to adore.  They are yours to escape to, ride your horse on, graze your sheep and cattle on.  If you are a meat eater and you believe in eating clean meat and you choose to hunt wild animals in order get that clean meat, public lands are the lands you take your meals from.  They are yours to draw your water from, if you own water rights to a spring, creek or river like Robert and I do.  They are yours to glean peace, comfort and inspiration from.  They are yours to love, cherish and keep clean.  They’re yours to fight for, to represent, to speak on behalf of.

One of the reasons I go out, so often, to explore the land around my home and the land directly up from my house here in Pocatello is because I own it as a taxpayer, but I’m also beholden to it.  This is the dirt, forest, sagebrush, water and moonrise that informs my work, inspires my pen and claims my heart.  I walk, run, ski and hike the mountains here because I need them and because they need me, too.  When I write about the land and sky here, I write for myself, but also on behalf of the space I call home, the space that owns me back, the space that has been entrusted to me.

This space outside my front door is entrusted to you, as well, if you are a USA citizen or greencard holding permanent resident (like me).  You may not live here, but you still own it.  I share it with you through my writing and photographs so you know it exists, so you can believe in it and cherish it, so you can be a part of it when you are on holiday driving cross country in your mini-van with your kids and dog in tow, so you can feel the spaciousness of our wild lands through your computer screen when you sit in your office cubicle and secretly check out my blog between coffee breaks.  We humans are going to seek out the wild places more and more often as life and technology begins to overwhelm us to a greater degree.  The wild spaces are our redemption from the synthetic, fast paced nature of our culture and lives; they will become increasingly important to humanity in the years to come as they are dissolved and are taken from us, foot by foot, mile by mile.

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IMG_6587 IMG_6596 IMG_6606-2IMG_6653 IMG_6674 IMG_6689 IMG_6693 IMG_6764 IMG_6780 IMG_6813 IMG_6819A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post on a similar topic and I want to take a second to direct you to his blog.  I have been a fan of his writing for well over a year now.  He is an avid bird hunter and angler and I believe, a passionate, straight shooting advocate for the interior West and her shrinking wild spaces.  Plus, to be perfectly honest, he writes like a son of a gun.  He’s going to publish a book one fine day in the future and I’m going to buy a hundred copies of it and hand it out on street corners to perfect strangers.  I encourage you to head on over to read his most recent post.

Long live the West and may her wild and free spaces remain unchained, unexploited and cherished (though it’s already too late to hope for such a thing, in some places) for years to come because I dearly love an office space at 8000 feet.

Bad stuff happens…but how about that beautiful sunset!

IMG_6344 IMG_6376 IMG_6394 IMG_6420What is it about some weeks?  I just spent the past three days tending to life maintenance and experiencing what my friends have been calling very-rotten-no-good-bad-luck.  Mostly everything is sorted out now, except for my camera lens replacement, which is in need of replacement because my camera was blown off a cliff shortly after I took the above image.

Alright, so the crap hit the fan here this week, but let me tell you what, I managed to soldier through all the sordid life details, fix what needed fixing (except the irrigation, I’m still tinkering with that, and the broken law mower), run a small business like a son of a gun, work in the studio with such a thankful and happy heart and I fed myself, great, summery, robust meals.  The problems of this week were meltdown inducing but I don’t remember crying or being self indulgent enough to freak out and wallow in crisis.  I simply gritted my teeth, worked from dawn until dusk and beyond, every night, and slowly the ship began to right itself.  Though I felt terribly overwhelmed, I didn’t feel angered by my circumstances or self-pitying; my focus was not on myself, it was shooting off in fifty different directions.  Stuff happens and you have to find a way to make the most of it, iron out all the wrinkles and build momentum again.  The sooner you do these three things, the sooner you get your groove back.

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Last night I ran a cutie pie fifteen mile trail run that was truly the very definition of magnificence.  I chugged that run so smoothly, dropping into low gear as I traveled, step by step, miles and miles straight up the West bench.  I was joyful as I ran, seeing deeper into the landscape as I went, feeling the air thin as I climbed.  I ran through the curves in endless switchbacks, tall grass brushing at my legs and hands, the dogs romping about with glee while tripping on their tongues, the cool of the scrub maple stands, the quiet of the aspen groves, the good company of the stately douglas fir and the views, the views were life altering.  I came down the same way I went up, creeping around switchbacks, scuttling over volcanic rock rubble, sun on my shoulders, empty water bottle in my waist belt, sweat drying in the wind.  I ran myself hollow and then step by step was filled up with only the very best Creation has to offer.  It was that kind of run, marked with the wildness that is restored when a human is reduced by the land and sky, made humble, made empty and so, transformed and filled to brimming once more.

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It has been lovely to be at home, here in Idaho, in my little farm house, gardening in my spaces, harvesting the fruits and vegetables of my yard, hanging out with my girlfriends, reacquainting myself with my trails and my mountains.  After arriving home from New Mexico, the very second I sat down in the studio and picked up my jewelers saw I felt stabilized, energized, brimming with impetus, forceful and calm.  It is with a morsel of regret that I am packing a bag for a trip to Wyoming today, but only a very tiny morsel of regret.  I travel, once more, to be with friends and my younger sister, to a state that is a stalwart sibling of Idaho and magnificent, to boot.  You’ll not hear any complaining from me!

The road is calling and I must go!

Until we meet again, be well.

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