There is a road less traveled, paved with thin air and pine needles; I rode it by his side, bumped up and over the pass towards the sky. There was a pool, out of the way, where the stream sliced granite, the cold water chilled deeper by conifer shadow and fern. There were fish, fractal rainbows painted with thick parr marks, spirits willing but mouths too small to swallow our flies down. There, we swam, crawled out onto the boulders, half-naked and primordial — Adam and Eve in a perfect garden for two. Time passed, every hour, every moment holy. We quit our fight against the seconds of the day, we quit our grappling with minutes lost, the hours of life were without expiration dates and we allowed them to slip, with grace, over our heads and shoulders in quiet benediction.
Take me to the river. Dip me in the water.
I love this sequence of Hilary paddling class III on the Main Salmon in an inflatable kayak. I went down something similar on one of those…how do you say…SUP boards? I ate crap. Real bad. Apparently lungs aren’t meant to hold water.
That said, I’ve never minded vigorous river baptisms. I don’t even think I mind being pulled under water, like a spindly rag of seaweed, tossed and turned like a pair of lacy undies in the washing machine. I like the bright and squinting moment when I pop up into the sky once more, hear the rapids heavy with fizzing air all around me, gulp down some oxygen, and then go subaqueous once more.
I think I like it because I’ve watched the fish do it and they seem so joyful when they reach up and kiss the seam of air that stitches the river to the sky. But also, to be in it, to sense the power of it, to be lifted up and dragged down by it is to know it. To know it is to understand it. To understand it is to love it. To love it is to respect it.
My Own Shepherd
The sun is setting in the canyon now. Basalt rubble is licked gold in the late light and the green fuzz of spring turns electric in the sweet, dark face of dusk. We sit on the hood of our truck at the edge of a gravel road and watch as the ewes mutter at the lambs and shuffle hungrily from noxious weed patch to noxious weed patch under the omniscient gazes of five Great Pyrenees.
It is a wonderful, warm night with him by my side. I feel the desert wind in my hair, gentle for the first time in weeks. I squint at the sun.
I feel an itchy tickle on my neck and reach up with a suntanned hand to check if it’s a tick. It’s not. I lean back again on both of my palms, elbows locked against the small weight of my upper body, and I watch the shepherd on his horse in the distance, working in slow sweeps with the help of his herding dogs, leaving no lamb to fend for itself in this wild, inhospitable country.
All too soon, four hundred sheep have moved across the road and up the face of the mesa towards the sheep wagon for night, to sleep beneath a quilt of stars, lulled into dreams by a jittering mobile of ancient light. I am not ready for sleep. I am restless. I feel the press of time rushing the infinite nature of my soul. I feel the swing of the planet pulling on my skin and bones.
I need my own shepherd to tell me, “That’s enough for today. Rest now. Tomorrow will come and then we shall see what we shall see.“